BLAH BLAH BLAH BLOG

There is not really any reason for me to blog because nobody reads the dang thing anyway. When I used to publish ‘zines it at least felt like there was something tangible to hold onto, something physical to give to people. Now I’m just spewing words into the ether. It’s a lot less satisfying. So, I’m going to ask my friends to read my blog and see what response I get. If I get one at all. I am still not quite down with this virtual friend world. Not that I have a lot of virtual friends. Most of my friends are people I see in person from time to time. Being unemployed I have a lot of time to try to structure. I get so distracted from what I want to do. I don't really have much more on this subject, except more and more I want to print my own 'zine again.

Terrified In The Land Of Creativity

I’m scared to do what I need to do to get my books done. Interviewing people is not my strong suit, and that’s what I’m gonna have to do. Gregg Turkington (Neil Hamburger, comedian) told me, “Anything worth doing is worth doing badly”. I love that idea, but I have a Virgo moon and it fucks with my head about myself all the time. So I am putting a plea out into the universe to help me get going again. A spur in my side, gentle, but a spur none-the-less. I need that.

I visited ZAPP at Richard Hugo House yesterday. If you do not know what ZAPP is, it’s Zine Archive Preservation Project. I meant to do some research, but ended up just donating some zines, looking at their rarities, and leaving. I was mostly thinking about my best friend lying in the hospital after knee replacement replacement surgery. Yes, she had her replacement replaced. Ouch. So that made it hard to concentrate.
ZAPP is fuckin’ cool, especially if you are interested in zines. They have zines dealing with music, art, comics, poetry, personal (printed blogs basically) and miscellaneous. They let you make copies of stuff you want to, and it’s pretty freakin’ great. The volunteers are helpful and nice. I was there a few years ago, when it was in the basement of the Hugo House. I remember it smelled like something died in the walls. Now they are upstairs in a nice room that smells more like coffee. The shelves are packed, but they welcome donations.
ZAPP is located in the Capitol (Capital?) Hill section of Seattle. They have very limited hours, but the hours are on the Hugo House website. I’m sure they need volunteers. If I didn’t live in buttfuck Everett I would volunteer. I’m sorry I called it buttfuck Everett. Everett is not that bad. It’s not the greatest, but I have my little places I go that make it tolerable.

Verna’s Everett Places

Stars N Stripes Espresso – I know, the name is so post-9/11, but it is my fave drive-thru espresso place. They really have the cheapest prices. They are located on Evergreen Way and are on the way to my second favorite place.

Advanced Chiropractic – Dr. Beasley (or Dr. Greg) has mad back skills. If you live in Everett and need help with your back you should go see him. He’s nice and his staff are all nice, too. I just can’t afford to see him right now, but his office is close to my next favorite place.

The Evergreen Branch Library – Don’t hate me when I say, you can only use this branch if you live in certain parts of Everett. No, I don’t get it, either, but it probably has to do with funding or something. Anyway, I go there to go online, check out some books, and occasionally smell the sweet smell of homelessness. There but for the grace of God and all that. The staff are pretty cool there, but the branch is not as awesome as my fourth favorite...

The Mukilteo Library – A beautiful library in nearby Mukilteo. It has a fireplace, lots of computers, comfy seating, lots of books (oh, but who goes to the library for books anymore?) (Just kidding) . On a nice day you can walk around back and end up on a trail that goes down into some woods… it’s just so pretty. Love it.

Burn It All Down -- fiction story

Burn It All Down
I hid in the dark and watched my handiwork. I had been up for four days and could not sleep. I couldn’t eat and lived on Vitality water. She was gone and I was still here. So it was only fitting that I made a pyre out of my regrets and longings. Burning The Midnite Oil down was a cliché too delicious to forgo. I had to do it. Why? She was gone, that’s all. So it had to go. My club. My beautiful, horrible club, burning to the ground, drowning under the water from the firefighter’s hoses. My night manager, Cliff, made a statement to the press. With a look of shock across his smug goateed face. His piercings glittering in the glare of camera lights. Haha, Cliff. I hope you are struck with insomnia, you prick. I yawned as I watched the spectacle die down.
That night I had the best sleep of my life.

(I got the idea for this from a prompt on the Writers Digest page).

"Half Nelson" review

Half Nelson (The Dialectic Of Film)

DIALECTIC: The Hegelian process of change in which a concept or its realization passes over into and is preserved or fulfilled by its opposite;also: the critical investigation of this process (Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, 11th Edition,2003.)

One of the things that makes us human is our ability to distance ourselves from our own behavior. This ability allows us to do horrible things to ourselves and others, yet not let those things move us to act differently. We are capable of astounding levels of self-destruction. We are also capable of the opposite – the creation and appreciation of beauty, in ourselves and others.
Daniel Dunne (Ryan Gosling), the protagonist of the movie “Half Nelson”, is a teacher in the inner city who epitomizes the Hegelian struggle. Just as he offers his students a glimpse into how dialectics and history collide and collapse into each other, his own idealism collapses under the weight of the cynical world in which he lives. His idealistic heart crushed, melted and inhaled through a pipe or a straw. His cynical mind challenged by his students, particularly Dree (Shareeka Epps), a witness to his otherwise internal struggle.
History repeats. History repeats. Like a heart beats. As Daniel Dunne, Gosling gives a nuanced and unforgettable performance. It could have come off as a ‘crackhead with a heart of gold’ cliché, but Gosling fully gets the complex nature – the dialectics of Daniel – of his character. Shareeka Epps has the natural grace to portray Dree in a subtle yet powerful way. That she is new to the acting game makes her performance all the more amazing. Anthony Mackie displays his own brilliance as both protector and user (she becomes his drug deliverer) of Dree.
The film is both heartbreaking and a triumph. A rare look at the complexities of addiction -- how insight can sometimes blind us from the bigger picture.

Dangerous Time For My Recovery

Being in new love is like being high, and getting all the good stuff I've been getting has kicked up the addict in me. I've been having cravings mostly to drink, but other shit has crossed my mind.
WTF? I guess I'm not used to being so happy and feeling so good and it's freakin' me out. I know that the feeling will pass and I won't have to act on it. It's just not how I want to feel right now.

Gratitude for Hitting the Trifecta

I really hit the trifecta this month. Not only did I score a new apartment thanks to Everett Housing Authority and Section 8, but I got a new beau as well. Greg is all that I could ask for in a man except proximity. He lives in the San Diego area. Still, we had a great time kickin' it. He and his friend John helped me move into my new pad.



Then yesterday I found out I got a new job. Forty hours a week. It's not retail either. So I'm beyond blessed.



As you might guess, I am also pretty overwhelmed by all these changes. So I guess I just need to do the next indicated thing and strive for balance -- physical, mental and emotional balance. Something that is difficult at this time.